Wedding Shaming – The Nasty Face Of Wedding Rivalry

It seems like you can’t do anything these days without being judged or subjected to intense rivalry. Whether it’s people bragging about how little sleep they get by on to their parenting skills and the amazing developmental achievements of their offspring, it’s perhaps no surprise that when it comes weddings then, competition goes into overdrive.


Take for example engagement ring shaming which, thanks to influencers and celebrities showing off their rings on Instagram has long been a thing, with people openly making fun of those who choose not to have a diamond or heaven forbid wearing a ring judged as being cheap-looking or not elaborate enough.


Wedding shaming

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m human too and would be lying if I said I’d never had a bit of a laugh at someone else’s expense, but an occasional private giggle is one thing; calling people out, re-posting photos of various aspects of their wedding and seemingly taking glee when openly deriding those choices takes it to a whole different level.

When it comes to making wedding decisions, many of us are constrained by budget and might end up making decisions not particularly because we want to, but because our options are limited.

From wedding dresses to venue choice and decor, with a limitless budget it’s easier to make crowd-pleasing decisions, but with entire Facebook groups dedicated to shaming wedding choices, it would seem that wedding shaming has turned into a spectator sport, a kind of mass bullying made possible by the use of social media. To me it feels a lot like bullies ganging up together in the school playground, emboldened by group mentality.

That‘s It, I’m Wedding Shaming

The above heading is also the name of one such wedding shaming group on Facebook, and equal parts intrigued and horrified, I joined the group to take a look for myself at what constituted a wedding that people would poke fun at, laugh about and openly ridicule, and honestly? I was shocked, but not for the reasons you might think.

90% of the posts I saw, I ended up writing comments – to defend. From the boho wedding which was ridiculed because the bridesmaids didn’t have matching dresses (I kid you not), to people taking the piss out of homemade wedding decorations, as though mass produced, bland decorations are the only acceptable choice.

It would seem that the people frequenting these groups routinely feel the need to post nasty comments – I can only assume in a desperate bid to make themselves feel better, essentially behaving in the way that any real-world bully behaves.

What constitutes a great wedding for someone on a low budget, or someone who hates all things traditional is not going to be what the mainstream wedding drones consider acceptable.

The only exception I found after trawling through group posts, was a post showing a DIY project with everything misspelled and one showing a pair of white wedding Crocs, and even as someone largely accepting, I did have to grin at that particular footwear choice, but you know what? I didn’t feel the need to chime in with the haters, I just thought “well, each to their own” and hats off to anyone who has the balls to try and do something different.

Some might argue that people who have made questionable wedding decisions are opening themselves up for ridicule by posting photos of their day online. I disagree. Just because someone posts something on social media, that doesn’t suddenly make it OK to take the piss out of it.

Individuality Should Be Celebrated

Judging by the photos on countless wedding venue websites and in the mainstream glossy mags, the usual wedding looks that I would consider dull, standard and lacking in imagination are clearly what most brides want and deviating from that and daring to do things differently is somehow seen as a negative rather than a positive!

We all aspire to different things. Some want to pretend to be something that they aren’t with their wedding choices, others make authentic choices that reflect them and are meaningful, whilst others still are forced to make decisions because of financial constraints.

Whatever, can’t we just enjoy the process of planning our wedding day without the need to feel like we’re engaged in a competitive sport of one upmanship?

We should be celebrating love, individuality and fully accepting of the fact that we are all different and that if you disagree with someone else’s wedding choices, that doesn’t give you the right to hide behind a screen and be a total bitch.